Happy New Year. I need to thank all of Gabby’s supporters and the people that helped us and continue to help us. When Gabby first got sick, people stepped up and so much on. We will never be able to express how truly grateful we are. After Gabby earned her wings we vanished, didn’t want to talk or deal with anything or anyone. Some understood that, others felt it was a slap in the face. It wasn’t, we were numb (still are at times). Thank you all from the bottom of my heart
I can’t lie. It was pretty bad. However we made sure the girls didn’t realize that. We didn’t decorate or listen to music till the week before. No one in the house seemed to notice. Carolynn’s parents came to visit, I broke down when they told the girls they put some money in each of their savings accounts, purely because last year there were three savings accounts.
Carolynn wanted to go back and start the year over, I just wanted it to be over. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares! We visited Gabby’s bench, saw old friends, and stayed up for the ball. Actually the girls woke me from in front of the TV to see the ball drop. The next morning we went out for breakfast, I stripped down to my boxers and ran into the ocean since I overslept the polar bear plunge. Maddie said “don’t do it dad, you’ll embarrass yourself”. Maddie learned something that day: That’s what dads do.
When Gabby first started her journey and I started writing I would always end each update with ten things that made Gabby laugh and smile. I can’t promise ten right now but I’ll give it a shot of ten things that made us smile.
They both said I love you
I have bird feeders in the yard, watching them helps me relax. I don’t have binoculars and can’t get close enough to see them. So while the girls watched me like I had gone crazy, I put on all brown clothes, lifted a plastic lil tyke’s log cabin house onto the fire pit, sat in the fire pit for an hour sneaking peeks at the birdfeeder hiding behind my bird watching wall. Don’t try this at home! I hurt my back and have been in pain since. No more bird wall!
The Vogel New Year’s Day plunge! ( not cold just very refreshing)
Had a birthday party for Posey
Ran in the bay with Shep
Katie now speaks in a new language. Whatever is now : What Ev, Later is Lates and every statement ends with like RIGHT?
The why and how we can go on
The other night I sat in bed and just instantly realized Gabby was gone and wasn’t coming back. I also have another thought that constantly goes through my head. I sit outside and wonder when this pain will end? Then I think to myself: I can’t let this pain end. Because if I do that means I’m not hurting and if I’m not hurting it isn’t fair to Gabby. I realize this isn’t the right way to think, but it’s a thought I have. Second guessing is also another tremendous weight families like mine carry. For others just starting this journey I’ll say this: It’s not bad to second guess yourself as long as you don’t fixate. I do it and move on. Just another part of the process.
I wanted this update to be more uplifting, so I’ll say this: Have I ever thought of driving head first into a tree? Yes. Will I? Of course not! Life is a gift, a true miracle that should be cherished. I have a family I love very much and would never want them go through this again. I love life, I love the pink skies, and I love looking at Gabby’s smile in pictures. I love holding Maddie and Katie’s hand, I love watching Carolynn laugh with them, And I love the fact that my little angel will make a difference. With her story we will create a foundation bigger than any that exist. We will find a cure; we will help others, We Believe!
What we need
The paperwork for the foundation is almost ready to file. Plans are in place for fundraisers that will change the face of childhood. We are already planning the celebration for the 9th October.
We are moving full speed ahead with the foundation, with the awareness, and most importantly fighting to find a cure! Who’s in? How many friends can you get to hop on to Gabby’s page and help our children?
We will never get over this or put it behind us; we will live with a hole in our hearts forever. But we will move forward, carrying Gabby’s message every step of the way. The past is painful, the future is promising. I say that now, I believe it now; I believe in you, I believe in Gabby and I believe a cure is out there. Don’t you all want to say you played a part in something that made a difference? The power is in all of us. Alone we will lose every time. If we unite we will win and do something that matters. Gabby we will make a difference and all of you that helped will as well.